By Elayne Savage, PhD
© Can Stock Photo / Sangoiri
Here we go again – another political season when campaigning brings on psychological projection full force!
Since TipsFromtheQueenofRejection.com was born in 2006 I’ve blogged about projection 26 times! Mostly piggy-backing on news related to full of examples related to politics and politicians!
I’m so amazed by the distortions and finger-pointing during campaigning. Especially unsettling have been the doses of threats and fear mongering and distractions and deflections and denial.
So Let’s Define Projection
Psychological projection is the tendency to unconsciously see certain traits in another person –– traits you cannot acknowledge them in yourself.
One person blames the other for their own unacceptable behavior, undesirable thoughts and feelings, or their own limitations.
They may be projecting onto you their own dark side, their own blind spots.
If our family or peers or society has deemed something "unacceptable," it is not safe for this to show up in our interactions and we tend to submerge it. These traits become our 'shadow side’, sometimes called our ‘dark side.’
And if they do start to pop up, we can feel really uncomfortable. Anytime we have unacceptable thoughts, needs, feelings, or fears our anxiety level can shoot up.
So most of us have a tendency to protect ourselves from experiencing this anxiety when these undesirable thoughts intrude.
A common way to cope with and tame the anxiety is to unconsciously attribute these thoughts or feelings to another person or group.
We may accuse them of the same types of behaviors that we find incompatible with how we need to see ourselves.
Too Hot to Handle
Have you noticed how traits, behaviors, ideas, thoughts or feelings you can't tolerate in others are often the very things you can’t stand about yourself?
These might include anger, sadness, fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and dependency. It might include your tendency to be stubborn or flirtatious or bad or too loud or pushy or competitive or controlling.
It might include your own unacceptable behavior, undesirable thoughts and feelings, or your own limitations.
So when a thought or fear is too hot to handle we want to get rid of it – and quickly. That's when you might toss it over to someone else – and partners, family, friends or co-workers are handy recipients.
One person tends to blame the other for their own unacceptable thoughts or behavior. By attributing the thought to them, you can often rid yourself of the that uncomfortable anxiety that it brings up. And you may even blame the other person for showing these feelings.
Projection is like moving your “stuff” into someone else’s storage space — for safekeeping.
One woman says, “When we can’t own our own stuff, we try to give it away. I guess you could say that projection protects us from ourselves by spreading the garbage around.”
Psychological Projection to the Rescue
When undesirable thoughts or feelings intrude we can get anxious. Projection is an unconscious way of protecting ourselves from anxiety. It is a coping or defense mechanism for dealing with feelings we struggle to come to terms with.
When someone mistakenly imagines that certain thoughts or feelings exist in the other person that they cannot acknowledge in him or herself. They may be projecting their own dark side, their own blind spots.
About Those ‘Blind Spots’
Blind Spots are our own traits we don’t see, although others do;
I write in 'Breathing Room – Creating Space to Be a Couple':
“Parts of our personalities stay hidden from us because we learned at an early age that they were not acceptable to others, and, therefore, they become unacceptable to us. When we were children, we began to notice how we brought on someone’s displeasure by displaying certain emotions or behaviors. We said or did “bad” things that were rejected by others—so we submerged them."
Unfounded accusations from parents, sibs, teachers, or peers. Accusations that didn't fit. And no wonder. The accuser was most likely talking about him or herself. It's hard not to take finger pointing personally. It certainly feels like a personal attack.
When family or society deems something unacceptable, we tend to submerge it. We relegate it to the depths of our being. And because it's not safe to show up, these traits become our 'shadow side.'
For example, Jerry grew up in a family where he was taught that his angry feelings are unacceptable and he learned to bury them at an early age. As an adult he cannot acknowledge any angry feelings he may be having.
He says to anyone who will listen, "I never get angry." Well, he probably does. He just doesn't recognize the feeling as anger.
So what does Jerry do with this anger? How does he deal with the anxiety it creates? One way is he might unconsciously project it onto his partner (or friend or co-worker.) He may see the other person as 'the angry one, the one with the temper. The one with the problem.'
And he may cue or prod or even provoke that person to get angry.
In other words, his partner is expressing the anger for him. While he is calmly berating his partner about overreacting, he doesn't have to experience the anger as his own.
He doesn't have to own his anger or see himself as an angry person. The anger that he can’t deal with in himself is “out there” courtesy of his partner. He can deal with it vicariously.
In a similar way, the “never sad” person sees their own depressed moods only in the partner. And the partner unconsciously conforms to the projection and carries the sadness for them both.
The "always honest" or "always dependable" person might see another person as untrustworthy or manipulative or unreliable. A closer look would show that these are his or her own unacknowledged tendencies.
Having blind spots indicates we are unable to see and acknowledge the unacceptable aspects of our own behavior. If we cannot see it then it is difficult to take responsibility or apologize for our actions.
Blind spots prevent us from seeing how hurtful our behavior can be because we have trouble stepping out of our own world and putting ourselves in the other persons shoes.
Because we cannot tolerate in others the very same traits we can’t stand about ourselves, we might find ourselves judging or criticizing others.
And when we cannot tolerate these feelings in ourselves this often leads to psychological projection – the tendency to see our own shortcomings in others.
So in order to deal with the discomfort of this Shadow Part – the disowned, submerged, painfully unacceptable part of ourselves, we often project this unacceptable dark side onto the other person, seeing our own emotions or behaviors or ideas or attitudes as existing in them.
Psychological projection exists in our personal and professional relationships . . . and big-time in the political arena.
Littering Along the Campaign Trail
Every day we see examples of projection on the campaign trail. Mostly it comes in the form of accusations made by one camp about the other.
Accusations about voter fraud, health care, tax plans, women’s reproductive rights, negative ads, immigration. More accusations fly about who is to blame for the economic crisis and who is associated with the big players in the economic world.
And of course there are the accusations about the accusations. Whose ads are the most negative? Who is the most disrespectful or sleazy? The word used often in the media these days is "vile."
The mass of insinuations and projections in this election have been unsettling to my clients. It reminds them of all the projections they have experienced in their personal lives.
All those unfounded accusations from parents, sibs, teachers, or peers. Accusations that didn't fit. And no wonder. The accuser was most likely talking about him or herself.
It's hard not to take finger pointing personally. It certainly feels like a personal attack.
There is an old Saturday Night Live joke about finger pointing. When someone is pointing their finger at you, remind yourself that three fingers are pointing right back at the person pointing. The SNL folks got it right. It helps put things in perspective.
And when it feels personal, here is a a reminder worth repeating to yourself when you get that tarry feeling that someone is confusing their own anxieties with how they see you:
"This is not about me.
This is most likely about the other person.
They are probably talking about themselves.
What might they be saying?"
And this recent piece sums it up very well:
PROJECTION AS A POLITICAL WEAPON
by Chris Bell and Gary Senecal
From Unconscious Defense to Conscious Offense
https://analytic-room.com/essays/projection-as-a-political-weapon-chris-bell-gary-senecal/
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
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