TIPS FROM THE QUEEN OF REJECTION®
Elayne Savage, PhD
November, 2008
IN THIS ISSUE
1. Reinventing Thanksgiving - New Perspectives Appreciation and Gratitude
2. A Generous Helping of Gratitude
3. Ample Appreciation
4. Smoothing Out the Ripples
5. Appreciate That You Can Take Good Care of Yourself
6. And On A Personal Note
7. Contacting Elayne
8. Privacy Notice and Subscription Information
Reinventing Thanksgiving - New Perspectives on Appreciation
and Gratitude
By Elayne Savage, PhD
Thanksgiving this year takes on a whole new meaning. Gloom and
doom permeates the economic landscape. it becomes more difficult
to feel grateful.
And yet, isn't that Thanksgiving is all about? Giving thanks? Many
families even have a Thanksgiving tradition where each person
at the table gives thanks for what they are grateful for.
Why not use this time to reconsider and perhaps change our perspective
a bit?
A GENEROUS HELPING OF GRATITUDE
My friend, Mike Robbins, in his book 'Focus on the Good Stuff'' (John
Wiley & Sons) has a lot to say about gratitude: "When we focus on
what we are grateful for, we alter not only our perspective, but also our
state of being. In fact, feeling and being grateful is a great way to
transform our negativity: it can help snap us out of a bad mood, get us
back on track, and keep us moving forward in a positive direction."
Mike suggests how you can create more gratitude in your life:
"Keep a Gratitude Journal
Share your Gratitude with others.
Create a morning or evening Gratitude ritual.
Ask people what they are grateful for."
http://www.Mike-Robbins.com
AMPLE APPRECIATION
Another friend, Sally Strackbein, offers these encouraging ideas about
appreciation:
"It took some practice for me to shift from noticing what's wrong to
noticing what's right.
Some people will tell you to start a gratitude journal. It doesn't have to be
about gratitude. It's about point of view. You don't need to be grateful
when you see a happy child. Just let the joy waft over to you.
You could be grateful when you hear beautiful music, but that would
change your perspective from noticing the music to noticing your hearing.
It's easier to just pay attention. Just notice the nice then, little by little, you
will find your mood getting more and more positive.
And yet, the our losses from the economic downturn experiencing, we
can find ways to open our eyes and appreciate in a different way.
Here's how you can protect yourself from the negativity trap and
shift to the bright side.
As you go about your day, ask yourself, "What do I see, hear, smell, taste,
or touch that I like?"
Take a moment right now and notice your surroundings. What
do you notice
that you like? Start with small, inconsequential things.
What else? See how easy that was? Make a note in your calendar to
look for the good stuff. When you are positive, you attract positive into
your life. Isn't that what you want?"
http://www.DefiningStory.com
I, too, have a favorite way of opening up to the world around me: When
I take a walk, even around the block, I remind myself to breathe in the
colors around me - houses, plants, flowers, sky.This simple act has a
powerful effect on my senses.
Wouldn't it be great if the daily onslaught of bad news opens our eyes
to enhanced appreciation and gratitude?
SMOOTHING OUT THE RIPPLES
In the meantime, Thanksgiving is approaching. Here are some tips for
helping those sometimes rocky family gatherings go as smoothly as
possible. Sometimes the cast of characters that shows up is like watching
Theatre of the Absurd.
These tips, just in case you can use them, will help you get through the
Holidays:
- Uncle Walter is baiting you again with his political rants. DON'T BITE.
Avoid doing the fish and the fisherman routine. Be direct and tell him you
don't want to discuss that subject.
- Oh, no, Aunt Helen showed up. Her unrelenting teasing makes you feel so self-conscious. She's embarrassed you ever since you can remember. She
sees your discomfort and goes full steam ahead. "You always were too
sensitive," she bellows. You want to crawl under the table and disappear.
- This is a good time for a deep breath. Maybe several. Breathing
slowly ten times will usually help to take the charge off of the
situation.
By the way, ignoring her negative behavior helps to extinguish it.
- Dad is drinking too much again. He’s making comments about your weight
and broadcasting, "You really don't need that second slice of pie." You feel
rejected and humiliated. What do you do?
Remember you have CHOICES now. When he teased you when you were
small, you didn't know how to consider choices. Now you can remind yourself
you don’t have to stay there. You can leave the room gracefully to regain your composure.
APPRECIATE THAT YOU CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF
Here are some great tips for taking care of yourself:
- Excuse yourself in the living room: Before dinner, if someone
acts inappropriately, you can excuse yourself, go to the kitchen
to get a drink of water or replenish the appetizer tray.
- Excuse yourself in the dinner table, you can always say a
simple, "Excuse me, I'll be back," walk into the bathroom, close
the door, take a few deep breaths and strategize: "OK, how do I
want to handle this? What is my plan of action here?"
These are examples of taking TIME-OUTS. Excusing yourself, breathing,
counting to ten all work wonders to regain your composure.
- Respectfully turn the tables. Try finding something you can LIKE
OR APPRECIATE about the annoying person (his or her laugh, color of
shirt, hairstyle.) During any interaction with them concentrate
that feature. When a person sees RESPECT in your eyes, he or she
is more likely to respond positively to you. It really does work.
The bottom line is: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! Remember actions
that seem hurtful or disappointing are most likely not about you.
© Elayne Savage, PhD
AND ON A PERSONAL NOTE
As this Thanksgiving approaches, I feel even more appreciative and grateful
for the love and support of my family and friends. I'm especially grateful for being
able to enjoy my 14 month-old grandbaby, Cora.
And even though Burt and I are no longer together, I'm grateful for the five
wonderful years of memories and adventures we made. He is an amazing
man and he will continue to have an effect on my life.
And I'm appreciative of the notes and suggestions from all of you over the
last two years. This issue of 'Tips from the Queen of Rejection' begins our
third year.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Elayne
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Elayne Savage is the author of books published in 9 languages.
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE
A COUPLE from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
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Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional
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Contacting Elayne
I welcome your feedback as well as suggestions
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Elayne Savage
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Elayne Savage