TIPS FROM THE QUEEN OF REJECTION®
Elayne Savage, PhD
January, 2009
Chasing a Childhood Memories – Another Chapter
By Elayne Savage, PhD
I just talked to my very first boyfriend. I was about six years old
and we lived in DC. His name is Walter.
He asked on the phone, " I don't know if you remember me?" "Of
course I do," Then I blurted out, "I always tell people you were my
first boyfriend."
Silence. Oh, Oh. Maybe that was a dumb thing to say. Walter
started laughing, "I tell everyone the same thing."
In the December issue of 'Tips from The Queen of Rejection'
I wrote about chasing childhood memories and how it all started
with an e-Christmas card. About how the image got me thinking
about going to Christmas Eve Mass with two childhood friends
from DC.
As I wrote that e-letter, I asked myself why I was so drawn to
recalling childhood memories. Was it comforting to go back in
time to a safer, simpler time? And I'm wondering, is it the same
for you?
The Sisters and the 'Cookie Lady'
These two sisters, Linda and Marie, were my playmates.
Their mom was the 'cookie lady' of my early childhood. I just loved
time spent at their house. It was so welcoming and always smelled
yummy - of freshly baked cookies.
I searched the Internet and found their 'baby' brother, Sonny
in Florida. Linda and Marie are living in Florida as well. Sonny
promised he'd tell both sisters about my efforts to contact them.
I just missed their mom, though. She died only six weeks before
my phone call.
Each sister recalls how their mother has remembered me over
the years. Wow. I can't tell you how touched I am that their mom
spoke of me with the same fondness that I remember her.
I think I'm going to cry.
And would you believe that Marie says just five days before I contacted the family, she was reminiscing to her husband about her two DC playmates, me and Barbara.
If you missed my story about how I searched for and found this
family, you can read it at
http://queenofrejection.typepad.com/tips/2008/12/index.html
(And a side note about six degrees of separation: Sonny was telling
long-time friends from Indiana about my phone call. He happened to
mention I am an author. The guy, a psychotherapist was incredulous.
"Some of my clients were just talking about Elayne Savage's 'Don't
Take It Personally!'" Small world, isn't it?)
Linda, Marie and I have been staying connected on the phone now. We share
memories of our childhood. Funny. Neither of them recalls those
Christmas Eve Masses that stand out so vividly in my memory.
Begging Food on Yom Kippur
The sisters tell some wonderful stories about experiences we shared.
Like when Barbara and I would show up at their house around lunch time on Yom Kippur.
We made sure we stayed around while they ate. Marie recalls "It was like you
were begging for food. You guys were supposed to be fasting. I thought that was the biggest sin ever. But my mama said, 'Now Marie, just let
them be. If they are wanting food that badly, they must be really
hungry.'" I suspect we were hungry for those fresh-baked cookies!
Linda has a backyard photo of us tucked away somewhere. She's
searching for it.
Milton Berle and the TV Dinners
So Linda, Marie and I decided to try to find Barbara too. Wouldn't
it be cool if the four of us could reconnect? I was the oldest of
the bunch. Linda and Marie are 13 months apart. Barbara was the
youngest.
I have fond memories of times spent with Walter and Barbara.
Every Tuesday evening I'd make the trip across the alley to their
house. You've probably guessed why. We didn't have a TV set
and they did.
We'd gather in their living room in front of the TV console. Each
of us had a metal folding table in front of us. Their mom would
bring in piping hot aluminum containers of turkey, peas and mashed
potatoes. Probably the first genre of TV dinners on the market.
We were there for one reason only. To watch Milton Berle and
the Texaco Star Theater:
"Oh, we're the men of Texaco
We work from Maine to Mexico
There's nothing like this Texaco of ours!
Our show is very powerful
We'll wow you with an hour full
Of howls from a shower full of stars.
We're the merry Texaco men
Tonight we may be showmen
Tomorrow we'll be servicing your cars!
...And now, ladies and gentlemen... America's number one television
star... MILTON BERLE!"
With memories like these to encourage me, I searched the Internet
for Walter. And I found him — just outside of DC. It was easy. The
Washington Post had written about his business a few years ago.
There was even a photo.
Linda called him first. Then she immediately called me to say that
sadly we missed out on finding Barbara. She had recently died.
So two deaths occurred before I got around to making these phone
calls. The cookie lady and Barbara.
A Life of Its Own
Yet, this story of reconnection seems to take on a life of it's own.
It just keeps going and going.
First there's the joy of renewing friendships with Marie and Linda.
Finding them has been good for my soul. Now Walter and I are sharing
memories, too. Funny thing though. He says he has no memory of us
watching Milton Berle at his house every Tuesday.
I can see how finding old friends and remembering these childhood
experiences recalls a safer, more secure time. A comforting feeling
in the uncertainty of today's complexities, Insecurities and
disequilibrium.
It's nice for the opportunity to experience and write about this kind of
soul-nourishing acceptance and connection. And trust. And hope.
Until next month.
Elayne
© 2009 Elayne Savage, PhD
Elayne Savage is the author of books published in 9 languages.
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE
A COUPLE from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
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Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional
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