TIPS FROM THE QUEEN OF REJECTION®
Elayne Savage, PhD
February, 2009
IN THIS ISSUE
1. Out of the Ashes – A Joyous Reunion of Grief
2. 'The Other Plane Crash'
3. Making Losses Real
4. My Secret Hope Comes True
5. The Community Pitches In
6. Really Great Detective Work
7. A Reunion of Survivors
8. Contacting Elayne
9. Privacy Notice and Subscription Information
Out of the Ashes – A Joyous Reunion of Grief
By Elayne Savage, PhD
The community of Swaledale, Iowa is joining my brother and me in grieving a plane crash that happened 55 years ago. With compassion and understanding they are inviting us to experience a kind of kinship through communal grieving. It feels like an acceptance of us.
These many years Lee and I have been searching for information about the plane crash that killed our mother and grandmother. And now we have some answers.
This coming together of community started three weeks ago when my brother, Lee Raskin, wrote a short piece memorializing the 50th Anniversary of the deaths of Buddy Holly, J.P. (The Big Bopper) Richardson and Richie Valens. They died when their single-engine Beech-Bonanza crashed into an Iowa cornfield during a snow storm.
You're probably familiar with 'The Day the Music Died,' Don McLean's song about the loss of these musicians. And you may remember the line "So bye bye Miss American Pie . . ." But do you know that 'American Pie' is the nickname the locals bestowed on the red and white Bonanza?
'The Other Plane Crash'
With each mention of that crash we're reminded our mother and grandmother died five years earlier in a cornfield just a few miles away.
Their Braniff DC-3 was forced down during a violent rainstorm, as they approached the Mason City, Iowa airport. Not every one died. Seven people survived, including the flight hostess.
Lee and I just learned that Elwin Musser, the Mason City Globe Gazette photographer, took the photos of both plane disasters. We also learned that he is still living in Mason City and that there are unpublished photos of the crash. We'd like to see them.
So Lee emailed John Skipper, editor of the Globe Gazette, trying to make direct contact with Mr. Musser. Lee included his 50th Anniversary tribute where he describes 'the other plane crash.'
Lee writes, "Coincidentally, it was the second notable air crash within five years that occurred near the farming town of Mason City, Iowa. On August 22, 1954, a Braniff Air DC-3 crashed while approaching the Mason City Airport during a violent thunder and hail storm.
"In that DC-3 air disaster, twelve of nineteen on board were killed. The majority of those killed were sitting on the same side of the plane that cart-wheeled into a corn field. Among the dead were Sarah Wolfson and her daughter, Goldie Raskin, of Omaha, Nebraska, who were on their way to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.
"Today, 50 years later...We commemorate Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper's musical achievements , . . I also took a moment to recall my mom, Goldie Raskin and grandmom, Sarah Wolfson . . ."
The editor, John Skipper, immediately responded. He describes how the area has been visited by celebrities the last week to memorialize 'The Day the Music Died.' He feels the real story here is about ordinary people like Lee and I who are also survivors.
And he wrote a sensitive, touching feature story about Lee, me and the DC-3. "A snapshot into the lives of two people directly affected by the crash."
Many of you have heard my stories about the plane crash in my books and speaking programs. I reflect on the sudden loss of these two important women and the impact of that abandonment on my life.
Making Losses Real
We were not allowed to grieve in our family. We did not attend the funeral. We could not speak of my mother. My dad removed all photos of her from our house. And he sold his business and took a job traveling, so we lost him much of the time as well. Another abandonment.
Some of my perceptions of those days are chronicled in 'My Mother's Plane Keeps Crashing'
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/article_mothersplane.htm
and in 'Who's Protected in Holding Back Painful Photos?'
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/article_photos.htm
(By the way, this piece is relevant in current news about allowing photos of the arriving military caskets.)
My family's inept response made the loss surreal. And it stayed that way. A couple of years ago someone reminded me in order to grieve a loss it has to be made real. Then we can move on. I knew I had to find a way to make the loss real. Then it came to me: I could visit a DC-3. I found one in LA and made a 'pilgrimage' in March, 2007. It was a moving and life-changing experience for me.
http://queenofrejection.typepad.com/tips/2007/10/index.html
Just recently, my professional speaker colleague, Jason Gore, who pilots a small plane discovered a local DC-3. He arranged a visit and brought along his camcorder to capture my experience in a series of interviews.
And in the mysterious ways of the Universe, this latest pilgrimage happened to take place only three days before my brother contacted the Mason City newspaper editor.
My Secret Hope Comes True
Truth be told, each time I go public with my story, I've secretly hoped someone would recognize the circumstance and contact me. I would fantasize them saying: "I knew someone who survived that crash" or I know a family who lost someone on that plane" or "I grew up on a nearby farm and witnessed the crash."
Well, it finally happened. When the Globe Gazette article appeared, witnesses stepped forward.
I pinch myself as each day brings new contact with someone wanting to share their impressions with us.
People from the Swaledale farming community have never forgotten that August 22 day. They are still deeply affected. They often think of the scene. Vivid memories stay with each of them. Sometimes nightmares.
The Community Pitches In
We are so grateful to hear their stories about how the Swaledale community pitched in to help with the injured and to protect the dead until the officials got organized. They tell us how neighbors volunteered for search and rescue until ambulances could get through the mud, torrential rain, tall corn. They used their tractors to remove gawkers' cars from blocking the road so the rescue vehicles could get through. They used barn doors as stretchers.
We were mesmerized by Karen's stories about how her neighbors worked together to help out. Karen was about my age at the time the plane crashed on her family's farm. We were moved by Larry's account of how he helped his Dad with the search and rescue. He, too, was 12 years old. We learned more details about those who died and those who survived from Karen's brother Keith who also participated in search and rescue. He was 15 years old.
I'm fascinated to learn that two of the residents who contacted us were my age at the time – 12 years old. How fast we all grew up that day. How our lives changed when we were all made aware of how fragile a human life is.
Really Great Detective Work
Reading the articles, Lee and I noticed some of the listed survivors were in their twenties at the time of the crash. Is it possible they might be alive today? Could we find them?
We decided to try to locate the flight hostess and the passenger whose life she saved by dragging her across muddy fields, over fences and to the road. She flagged down a truck and the owner of the farm drove them both to the hospital.
Lee is a fantastic investigator. He was able to trace both women and determine their married names. When the trails got cold I helped out a bit and came up with current addresses.
We located both of them and made contact!
Can you imagine what it is like for us to talk to these women? And how wonderful it feels to pave the way for them to reconnect with each other after all these years?
Can you picture how joyful it is to join with the Swaledale community in this reunion of grief? Fifty-five years later. The word that comes to my mind is 'rejuvenating.'
For 55 years Lee and I have lived with this unhealed wound. Every year we dread the arrival of August 22 because of the memories it brings. We've existed in our narrow little world of memories. Feeling 'different' from our school friends, rarely talking about our past. It was always awkward to try to explain that our mother died in a plane crash. People just don't know how to respond. So we said nothing.
We were stunned to hear that our own experience is shared by the Swaledale community. Now we understand how the crash which changed our lives forever has affected others as well.
A Reunion of Survivors
Knowing we are part of this reunion of survivors is an incredible experience. Now that we have discovered one another, we are able to be a small comfort for each other. Even the newspaper editor wrote me about the personal affect our story has on him. "Thank you for the opportunity to tell your story and to open another door in my life." He reflects how my article, 'My Mother's Plane Keeps Crashing' is a reminder that not everyone can move on as easily as others.
When he published this 'snapshot' of us did he have any idea what a huge door he was opening for all of us survivors to come together as community?
This story is taking on a life of it's own. It is becoming a journey of strength and gratitude and renewed hope.
Elayne Savage is the author of books published in 9 languages.
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
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http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
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Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional
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Contacting Elayne
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Elayne Savage
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