by Elayne Savage, PhD
Thanksgiving has always been a favorite holiday. Although I'm not exactly sure why.
I used to take it for granted. A perfunctory thanks before the meal was about the extent of my display of gratitude. And then I could get on with the pleasure of eating - especially all that unhealthy, crispy turkey skin that I adore.
'Gratitude' Becomes More Than a Word
Then, a few years ago, something shifted. I now find myself creating the space to bring the meaning of gratitude and appreciation into my life - often.
I appreciate so many things, large and small. From smiles from strangers I pass on the street to someone responding positively to a favor it took me days to work up to asking for, to folks graciously letting me give something back to them.
But a big-ticket appreciation item is how grateful I am for the wonderfully supportive people in my life. Many are old friends, one even goes back to junior high school and we reconnected at a high school reunion a few years ago. Several from high school and college. Some of these enduring relationships are from my first real job, decades ago. I'm actually spending this Thanksgiving with my college roommate and her family.
I'm grateful when I've been able to reconnect to friends after losing contact. The reconnection could happen because one of us reached out, and the other was open and receptive. Sometimes there has been an intermediary who was the catalyst.
These are special friendships because they could easily have been lost forever. So, I count my blessings that you are in my life.
When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Will Appear
I appreciate the Buddhist saying: "When the Student is ready, the Teacher will appear."
I'm grateful for my mentors and teachers and the opportunities presented. I'm especially grateful that I have the wisdom (OK, maybe intuition) to be open to receive.
I have learned much from family, friends, therapy and coaching clients. And from you, too, readers who have received these e-letters and responded with your own ideas and thoughts. I'm grateful to you.
"Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble"
This year has had its share of drama. There were surely times I was knocked off my center and landed with a big thud. Or maybe it was more of a splat.
The nightmare started last spring. Of all the times I've been interviewed as an expert on cyber abuse, I never dreamed I'd become the target of a malicious action by someone I hardly knew decades ago. The outpouring of support by family, friends, and from folks I've never met, was so important to keeping my sanity.
So, thanks for helping me stand again. And for helping me tap into my resilience which had become momentarily obscured. And for your unmistakable caring.
The Dreaded Birthday Arrives
And more recently, I so appreciate how friends and family rallied around me when I had a difficult birthday. I have officially arrived at the age my father was when he died and I have been hugely affected by this rite of passage.
And yet, the Phoenix rises! It feels like a breakthrough year is in the process of happening. It feels that whatever was holding me back from reaching some goals, just went 'poof' into thin air. Much like the animated puff of virtual smoke on my Mac when I drag an icon off the Doc or toolbar.
The birthday celebration went on for weeks. It became the ritual I needed it to be.
There are people in my life that seem to know what to say and when to say it. Even when they are not present because of distance or circumstance, they still have the ability to touch my heart. So, I want to say how grateful I am for this insight and intuition and ability to be able to tune in and be present.
And I'm grateful, too, for all the healing that takes place in our hearts and minds and physical beings to make us and the world healthy, strong and humane.
As I was writing these words about embracing a wider perspective, an email arrived from a professional speaker colleague linking to a WSJ article mentioning Naikan.
The Buddhist practice of Naikan is a method of self-reflection which helps us understand ourselves, our relationships and the fundamental nature of human existence. Naikan translates to "inside looking" or "introspection."
Naikan reflection is based on three questions:
- What have I received from ..........?
- What have I given to ..........?
- What troubles and difficulties have I caused ..........?
Hmmmm. That 'troubles and difficulties' part gives pause. Especially for some of us who are natural born shit-kickers.
Sometimes taking responsibility for our actions can be difficult . . .
If you want to understand more about Naikan, here's a link:
http://www.buildlife.org/cl/naikan.htm
Tips for Talking to the Turkeys at the Table
I usually give some Thanksgiving get-together tips for taking good care of yourself by not taking obnoxious relatives so personally when you are talking to the turkeys at the dinner table.
Here you go:
http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2007/11/thanksgiving-ga.html
For many of us, receiving appreciation isn't easy. Sometimes it helps to have a reason. Thanks, Thanksgiving for providing a reason.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Your support, emails and phone calls mean a lot to me. I appreciate you. And I'm always grateful when you send me ideas to write about in this blog.
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.
You can order books and CDs directly from my website.
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm
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WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
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