by Elayne Savage
Hope and Fear are powerful motivators.
Have you given much thought about the relationship between the two?
Which has the strongest effect on you – Hope or Fear?
"Hunger Games" – a Study in Fear and Hope
Recently I saw it all played out on the big screen. "Hunger Games" is a fascinating depiction of the power of 'hope' and 'fear.'
Donald Sutherland's character President Snow, the ruthlessly evil leader of Panem, pronounces, “Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective; a lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine, as long as it’s contained.”
Chilling.
And 'more from "Hunger Games" director Gary Ross: "Hope is a stronger agent of manipulation than fear is."
Agent of manipulation? Hm-m-m-m-m. Yet another layer to think about.
The fear part came alive for me numerous times in the movie. However, my biggest rush of adrenaline was during the dog chase. I could feel the scene becoming personal as I realized the dogs' faces were morphing into real people from my life. People I have experienced as threatening or vicious or unrelenting.
These were times I'd felt trapped and hopeless. And the chase scene was bringing me face to face with them again!
The Power of Fear
Fear has been an unwelcome companion most of my childhood. And for much of my early adult life as well. Old fears continue to intrude. Just when I'm beginning to think they are extinguished, they might pop up unexpectedly.
You may guess "The Queen of Rejection" experiences mostly rejection fears: Fear of being physically or emotionally hurt again, of judgment and criticism, of betrayal, of abandonment – and the loss of loved ones.
http://www.queenofrejection.com/about_personal.htm
Those of you familiar with my books, articles and workshops, know I speak on how common it is to have fears like these. And I address other common fears as well:
- the fear that someone might glimpse under that facade you've so carefully arranged, including all the times I've heard, "If you really knew me, you wouldn't like me."
- the fear of being yourself vs. losing yourself in relationship with another person.
- the fear of repeated rejection and how most of us are afraid to risk intimacy with another person even thought we yearn and hope for closeness and connection.
The notion that "fear is a stronger agent of manipulation than hope is" is evidenced daily in advertising and political campaigning. Here is a blog about how fear affects us:
http://tinyurl.com/8yzgg8n
Over the years I've also written about political fear mongering. One example is:
http://tinyurl.com/78m74es
In the case of politics, the acronym for F.E.A.R. would be "False Exaggerations Appearing Real." And people get scared into behaving in a certain way.
Running On Empty
I clearly used to be a "glass-half-empty" person – fear driven and exhausted by the amount of energy needed for dealing with so much negativity. And then, a few years ago I decided to try a different route. I chose to make every attempt to try to view the world as "glass-half-full." I wanted to see what 'hopeful' and 'possible' might look like.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. Hope is a tricky one for me because it can get me into trouble. I love the anticipation of new experiences, new relationships, new adventures. What a high these can be!
And yet, those of you who follow my ideas know I often write and speak about how hope and anticipation can lead to unrealistic expectations. Big trouble arrives in the form of disappointment.
Perhaps we're hoping someone will read our mind. Or hoping someone will "just know" what gift you want for your birthday. Or hope someone will pass your "prove you love me" test even though you don't tell them the 'rules.'
And disappointment can easily feel like rejection. So here we have another acronym for F.E.A.R. – "False Expectations Appearing Real."
Maybe hope scares us the most sometimes.
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
One of my early mentors and favorite people, Susan Jeffers, wrote 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway,' an amazing book about how confronting our Fears can develop our sense of Hope.
I recognize how themes of Fear and Hope are woven through 'Don't Take It Personally!' and 'Breathing Room." I realize how much Susan influenced my thinking and my work.
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
Psychoanalyst Joyce McFadden says, "Fear is the prompt. Hope is the way. Fear is about trying to survive something. Hope is about knowing why you want to.
"When we use the better part of hope and fear together we’re in the best position we can be in. The best part of fear is that it teaches us what we’re afraid to lose, and the best part of hope is that once we know what we’re afraid of losing we can set about nurturing it and keeping it strong and safe."
As someone who tends to fear storms, yet rarely carries an umbrella, I love this quote by Vivian Greene: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it's about learning to dance in the rain.”
I'd love to hear from you – your thoughts and experiences and stories about how you approach hope and fear in your life. [email protected]
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.
You can order books and CDs directly from my website.
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE
A COUPLE from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
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Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional
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Elayne Savage
[email protected]
510-540-6230