by Elayne Savage, PhD
I started thinking a lot about 'Saving Face' when world-wide tensions were mounting after the devastating chemical attack on civilians in Syria. You'll recall there was lots of talk about a red line in the sand, the possibility of US air strikes over Syria and threats of retaliation.
John Kerry's off-the-cuff remark on how to avoid a military strike by the US was immediately followed by Russia's offer to put Assad’s poison gas stocks under international control. And when the UN Secretary General jumped on board and it was decided the UN would dismantle Syria's chemical arsenal.
Isn't it amazing how quickly they found a workable solution once it became possible to 'Save Face?'
And now the world's eyes are on Washington where those involved seem to be desperately looking for a way to 'Save Face.'
Again we are facing high stakes. This time it is in the U.S. Congress. I'm intrigued with the Chinese concept of 'Managing Face,' and I'm hoping lawmakers can learn something from this.
Managing Face
The concept of Face ('mian zi') includes personal esteem, your reputation and your honor. In other words, Respect.
Managing Face encompasses: Losing Face, Lending Face, Gaining Face, and Saving Face.
Losing Face
Losing Face is a translation of the Chinese phrase 'tiu lien' which means being unable to show one's face in public: losing your reputation and the respect of others, feeling humiliated losing self-respect.
This would include all the "diss" words I so often write about including: disrespected, dismissed, discounted, displaced, disdained, disregarded, dishonored, disgraced, and disenfranchised. These feelings of course lead to self-rejection and losing face.
Lending Face
Lending Face is making someone look good. One way of doing this is through compliments.
Gaining Face
Gaining Face means gaining prestige through words or deeds. Making a name for yourself.
Saving Face
Saving Face ('yao mianzi') means to be concerned about appearances. Keeping your pride, dignity, reputation and integrity intact. Maintaining acceptance, self-acceptance, self-respect and the respect of others.
The skill of creatively negotiating means allowing someone to gracefully restate an opinion, change their mind or make concessions. Sometimes it only takes a slight change in wording or reframing an idea. The result is you leave an opponent a 'way out.'
Some folks will go to great lengths to 'Save Face.' They may continue a conflict in order not to look 'bad.' They might even blame the other person to deflect the embarrassment away from themselves. They might lie to cover up a mistake or blunder.
Playing 'Chicken' with the Abyss
Remember the "Chicken Run" scene in 'Rebel Without a Cause'? On a dare, Jim and Buzz race stolen cars toward the abyss. "We are both heading for the cliff, who jumps first, is the Chicken."
In Washington our government is also engaged in a high-stakes game of 'Chicken." Can they step back from the abyss? Or go sailing over the cliff as Buzz did?
These concepts of course are bigger than the Washington skirmishes. Would love to hear your ideas and experiences on Saving Face – in your personal and workplace situations. You can send me an email at [email protected] or Comment below . . .
More info about Managing Face:
http://hongtu-chinabusinessservices.com/business-articles/how-to-manage-face-in-china/
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next time,
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