by Elayne Savage, PhD
It’s hard to escape the hourly fueling and fanning of fear by the media and politicians.It’s hard to escape the marketers trying to cash in on our fears.
Have you, too, noticed how fear seems to be turning into an industry these days?
Fear seems to be everywhere: Ebola quarantines, ISIS terrorism and beheadings, natural disasters, gun violence, the economy, same-sex marriages and now every week a new report on credit card hacking.
What would you add to this list?
I am especially feeling exploited these days by political campaigning for upcoming mid-term elections.
In fact, it seems to me recent behaviors of the media and politicians could be considered a kind of terrorism by dictionary definition:
“The use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.”
Feeling Helpless, Insecure and Frightened
Yes, fear is in the air and there seems to be something else in the air as well – helplessness and uncertainty.
In my work with therapy and workplace clients as well as from my own life circumstances, I have learned that our experience of fear in the present becomes more complicated when these powerful responses are rooted in our early experiences.
When this old feeling creeps into our present situation, a child-like fright takes over. We feel young and scared.
When we get a blast of fear from the media or political campaigning, apprehension can take over. One person catches it from another. We may find ourselves feeling helpless, insecure and frightened.
The Culture of Fear
Thirteen years ago we experienced the tragedy of 9-11. Since that time fear and fear-mongering have been galloping through this country at breakneck speed.
A culture of fear has been permeating and fraying the fabric of our country. The art of instilling fear is reaching new highs.
On a Personal Note — Dealing with Fear but Not Very Well
Earlier fearful experiences and traumatic events can lead to fear and anxiety in the present, throwing us off-kilter. That's exactly what's been happening for me.
Recently I had a scary experience that brought back memories from over 40 years ago. Feelings that I had buried resurfaced and totally threw me off-kilter.
A couple of months ago my car was broadsided by a driver making an illegal turn. If I hadn’t been able to slam on my brakes, her car would have been in my lap.
One of my doctors pointed out that besides my new back injury I was most likely experiencing some PTSD. My anxiety and stress about feeling I could have died was most likely connected to the time a streetcar hit my car into the path of an oncoming streetcar, missing my car by 4 feet. This was over 40 years ago!
I had not really let myself experience the fear connected with that accident until this recent one happened. Now the fear keeps spilling into my thoughts.
Then the other day, as I was driving on a winding narrow road, I watched the car in front of me get broadsided when someone turned across her path. The front of both cars were demolished – nothing left but tangled metal.
I pulled over to give my witness contact information. When I stopped shaking I realized that two seconds later I would have been in the direct path of that oncoming car.
And had I not been quick enough to slam on my brakes when I was hit two months ago, my car would also have been nothing but tangled metal.
It has been interesting watching myself deal with my own fears about my recent accident.
Usually I would reach out to my friends or colleagues. In fact some of the people in my world still don’t know about it. I told those who have been in contact with me, but I didn’t reach out to inform others.
I guess it has been such a physically and emotionally painful experience that really have not wanted to talk about it.
So at the risk of sounding hypocritical, I’m going to put forth some tips for handling fear. Doesn't that saying go something like this? “Healer heal thyself.”
Reaching Out
Fears are best handled by speaking them out loud, hearing yourself put words to them.
Can you talk to a partner or friend? A teacher or spiritual leader? What about a counselor, coach or psychotherapist? Social networking or on-line forums can be helpful too.
Try writing down your worries and fears. Then read them out loud – at least to yourself. Hearing the sound of the words makes a difference.
Different Ways of Coping
We each have different ways of coping in difficult times.
- One person may withdraw, experiencing a kind of paralysis,.
- Another person may mobilizes and become over-active.
- One person may cocoon, preferring alone time.
- Another may need to increase contact with others.
- One person may be less inclined to talk about feelings.
- Another may talk so much that it's hard to listen anymore.
It is important when you are talking with another person to respect each others coping styles. Especially in these stressful times, feeling connected is important.
We learn coping behaviors n our families and these styles have been passed down from generation to generation. And fears get passed down too!
Tips for Coping with Fear
- Give yourself permission to be afraid. These are unsettling times. However try not to cross the line into biting the 'fearbait' dished out by the media and politicians.
- Give your worst fear a name. Say it out loud. Hearing yourself say what you fear most can work wonders in refocusing your perspective.
- 'Walk alongside yourself.' With this mindfulness you'll gain enough distance from the situation to see things more clearly. Try separating the "now" of the present moment from the "then" of unpleasant earlier experiences. This frees you up from becoming overwhelmed by your feelings.
- This objectivity allows you to choose to make a different response.
- Make a plan. It provides structure, direction and reassurance.
Unblocking Your Energy
When you find yourself feeling helpless, afraid, immobilized, dazed, numbed, or stunned, when it becomes hard to think or act, try to remember to move.
Move your fingers or your toes, or your body. Try to get that energy flowing.
A great way to get energy flowing is to take a walk and breathe in the colors around you: the sky, trees, plants, flowers, structures. This keeps you present, grounded . . .
And, best of all, appreciative of your world.
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
Both books are now available on Kindle!
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING WITH REJECTION
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