By Elayne Savage, PhD
Some of us may be recovering from too much eating or drinking and subsequent weigh-in shock. From what I’m hearing from therapy and consulting clients and colleagues, many of us are also recovering from the after-holiday letdown and a
variety of big and small disappointments.
Is This All There Is?
I totally missed Chanukah this year. It came and went so early. And Christmas and Kwanzaa flew by as well. And now the New Year has arrived –I'm still not at all sure where the old one went.
You know how it goes: after all the holiday hype the blahs creep up and start to take over, pushing out whatever good feelings might have existed. You may find yourself right in the middle of an after the holidays letdown.
And this time of year I’m aware of how my unrealistic expectations result in a downward disappointment spiral.
I'm reminded of how my long-time struggle with dreaded rejection is really about my sensitivity to disappointments
The Holidays offer great practice in dealing with the kind of disappointments
that feel like rejections. Examples are all around us.
When you feel disappointed you may give yourself all kinds of explanations:
"He doesn't care about me,"
"She just doesn't 'get' me,"
"My mother's comment is so incredibly mean-spirited,"
"He should have guessed what I really wanted."
Can you see how these are perceived messages of rejection can turn into self-rejection, feeling bad about yourself?
So let’s try to understand the source of this yearly letdown. I'm thinking if we understand it, we can do something about it.
The Culprits: Adrenaline Highs and Disappointment Lows
Let ’s start with the 'Adrenaline High' . . .
I remind myself of the emotional/physiological stress component - the rush of adrenaline.
There are, of course, the multitude of stressful situations we are exposed to daily. For example our time/money/relationship/
parenting/work pressures, not to mention the onslaught of disasters in the news. Now add to this the craziness of preparing
for the Holidays.
To get through it all, our body calls upon stress hormones - adrenaline and cortisol.
This rush of adrenaline feels good for a while. We're on a "high" from this over exposure to the stress hormones.
But what happens once the excitement of the Holidays are over? The stress hormones in our system decrease because they are no longer needed. The over-exposure to the adrenaline and cortisol causes a 'letdown.' We get the after-Holiday-Blahs.
Aside from the crash after the adrenaline 'high,' let's look at other reasons for the 'letdown.'
For some of us, after-holiday letdown happens when inflated anticipations and expectations come crashing down. They end up in
a heap of disappointments and hurt feelings.
And regarding stressors, two of the biggest Holiday stressors are family get-togethers and gift-giving, both resulting in a heap
of disappointments and hurt feelings if our expectations are unrealistic.
Here are some snapshots of how it happens, how we react and some tips for dealing with it.
The Holiday Hype
You know how early those 'persuasive' ads start appearing. The purpose, of course, is to get you ready for Great Holiday
Expectations.
By the time Thanksgiving arrives, we're thoroughly indoctrinated by the ads. We are expecting a picture-perfect
Thanksgiving Dinner with our family.
But it doesn't happen. Somebody does or says something that ruins it for you. Your TV commercial picture perfect vision quickly turns into one of Edvard Munch's Anxiety paintings. 'The Scream' comes to mind.
As you've probably figured out, these descriptions and tips are applicable to many life situations - not just the Holidays.
Here are some tips for handling family get-togethers . . .
OK, now on to another big source of Holiday disappointment -–– gift-giving.
Gift-giving Dilemmas and Tips
Truth be told, gifts are a huge source of disappointments, hurt feelings and misunderstandings. It's so easy to take it
personally if you don't get what you hoped for. And you try to keep the disappointment from showing on your face.
Read more about gift-giving dilemmas and tips . . .
And adding a little good humor . . .
Wishing each of you a peaceful and rejuvenating New Year!
Elayne
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
Both books are now available on Kindle!
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING WITH REJECTION
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