By Elayne Savage, PhD
It’s hard to ignore the rampant disrespect coming out of these presidential campaigns – taunting, smearing, mocking, insulting, attacking, and bullying.
Did you ever in your wildest imaginings think we’d be getting a daily dose of spouse-bashing accusations from presidential candidates?
“Yo Mama’s So Nasty . . .”
Kind of reminds me of the “yo mama” trash talk I grew up with in my grandma’s neighborhood in D.C. –– “Yo Mama’s so ugly ...” “Yo Mama’s so fat ...” “Yo Mama so stupid ... ”
Even as a child I sensed these insults were meant to be cruel. It was years later that I understood how misogynistic they were.
On a personal note, I was often subjected to this kind of taunting behavior in grade and high school. I hated it. Being the brunt of bullying back then and hoping for protection from the grownups, I just don’t feel safe when I hear our presidential candidates resorting to name-calling to get under each others skin.
Bullies puff themselves up when they are feeling unsure, insignificant, anxious, vulnerable or fearful. People inflate themselves in different ways – bragging or boasting, being self-absorbed and filled with a sense of self importance, and by diminishing the other person through insults and mockery.
When goings-on like these become upsetting to me, it helps to put words to it. Some of my workplace and therapy clients are also expressing discomfort with the escalating personal attacks. It brings up uncomfortable childhood memories for them too.
(More about bullies below.)
Are Personal Attacks Becoming a Meme?
I am finding it increasingly difficult to be a curious bystander to this behavior even though it sometimes verges on having voyeuristic overtones. The bullying aspects make me cringe. The taunting makes me sick to my stomach. Too many childhood memories here, I guess.
And what about you? How are you reacting to these goings on? Can you watch from the sidelines? Or do you, too, have a visceral reaction?
You could say the “Yo Mama” contests have become a meme — spreading from person to person and, in a way, designing it’s own culture over the years.
There is much about behaviors in the 2016 campaigning that is meme-like as well. Over the years in these blogs I’ve written about the systems theory of isomorphism (sometimes referred to as ‘social contagion’ or ‘parallel process.’)
Isomorphism is a mirroring of one situation by another, a reflection of one attitude by another. We pick up the energy of others and imitate it. One context morphs into another.
You’ve probably noticed how images in TV commercials sometimes morph one into another. For example, a human face changes into a lion’s face or an antelope transforms into a car— right before your eyes.
We can see this in how a candidate’s attitude, character and temperament can trickle down to staff and to the voters. We can see it when this culture of disrespect trickles down to family, business and even global interactions.
There is something contagious about this kind of toxic behavior. I’d love to see the same kind of transmittal and a mirroring of respectful interactions. It would feel a lot safer to me.
(More about isomorphism below.)
“A Cultural Experiment Gone Wrong . . .”
Meme-like, disrespect seems to be permeating society in an isomorphic sort of way. A recent example is how Internet users turned the Tay chatbot into what Microsoft termed “a tool of abuse.” Created for “entertainment purposes” Tay “tweeted wildly inappropriate and reprehensible words and images.”
Using the ‘repeat after me’ command where Tay parroted what users told her to say –– resulted in often inappropriate, vitriolic, racial, genocidal, and misogynistic rants.
(More about Tay chatbot below,)
As PC World points out: ”A cultural experiment gone wrong . . .”
Hmmmm. Could this have been a reflection of the 2016 presidential campaign in an isomorphic sort of way?
© Elayne Savage, PhD
A note: Some of you occasionally call me out for being “too political.”
I try to stay away from taking sides. It’s just that some candidates over the years have provided such an abundance of material for me to write about. It’s hard to resist!
I also get emails from subscribers living in other countries telling me they sometimes are not interested in reading about campaigning in the USA. I hope they can look past the personalities when I use headlines as a jumping off place to discuss the many faces of rejection, self-rejection, disappointment, taking things personally, and yes, self-acceptance. The www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com blog archives is chock-full of these subjects.
Until next month,
Elayne
More on isomorphism: “On a Fast Moving Merry-Go-Round”
hhttp://bit.ly/1qa5ERt
More on Microsoft’s Tay chatbot:
http://www.pcworld.com/article/3047823/internet/microsoft-says-its-making-adjustments-to-tay-chatbot-after-internet-abuse.html
More on Bullies and Bullying: : “Just a Little Locker Room Humor”
http://bit.ly/1e4YJNM
More on growing up near the Navy Yard on 7th and L streets in DC
http://bit.ly/1LSBKex
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
Both books are now available on Kindle!
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING WITH REJECTION
To order BREATHING ROOM -- CREATING SPACE TO BE A COUPLE
REPRINTING THESE e-LETTERS
You can use the articles in 'Tips from The Queen of Rejection'® as long as you include an attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to my website. I'd appreciate if you'd notify me where and when the material will appear.
The attribution should include this information: Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, keynote speaker, and trainer, practicing psychotherapist and author of Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection and Breathing Room - Creating Space to Be a Couple.
To find out more about my speaking programs, coaching and consultation services visit: //www.QueenofRejection.com or call 510-540-6230 if you or your group can benefit.
Contacting Elayne
I welcome your feedback as well as suggestions for topics you'd like to see addressed in this e-letter.
Here's how you can reach me:
510-540-6230
www.QueenofRejection.com
For more communication and rejection tips, you can follow me:
Twitter@ElayneSavage
LinkedIn.com/in/elaynesavage
Facebook.com/elayne.savage
Recent Comments