By Elayne Savage, PhD
“Nothing is more stunning than having ‘serial child molester’ and ‘speaker of the House’ in the same sentence.”
Judge Thomas Durkin said these words to Dennis Hastert as he sentenced him to 15 months in prison for violating bank laws to pay $3.5 million hush money to keep childhood sexual abuse a secret.
Former students are accusing Hastert of sexually abusing them decades ago when he was coaching high school wrestling in Yorkville, Illinois.
This is the same Dennis Hastert who was Speaker of the House from 1999 to 2007, second in line to succeed to the presidency of the United States.
Dennis Hastert’s portrait as Speaker of the House was removed from a hallway outside the House chamber, just days after the former speaker pleaded guilty to breaking banking laws in the hush money scheme to cover up the abuse.
One wrestler, Scott Cross decided to testify in court after Hastert approached his brother, Tom Cross, a former Illinois House Republican leader and Hastert protege for a letter of support asking for leniency.
What does this say about Dennis Hastert? Does he consider himself so above blame that he actually thought it was OK to ask the brother of one of the boys he molested to write a letter on his behalf?
OR maybe he does he not even remember which boys he sexually abused? Asked by the judge if he abused Scott Cross, he said, "I — I don't remember doing that, but I accept his statement.”
Hastert read a prepared statement that he "mistreated" some of his athletes and apologized. He only reluctantly admitted to sexually abusing three of them when specifically questioned by the judge.
This sentencing was actually not for the crime of sexually abusing the boys he coached. The statute of limitations for bringing abuse criminal charges has expired.
The sentencing was regarding Hastert ’s guilty plea to federal charges of evading bank reporting requirements by making multiple bank transactions and lying to investigators about the hush money withdrawals.
During the proceedings Judge Durkin emotionally addressed the abuse aspects, saying, there's "nothing ambiguous about this. This is sexual abuse." He spoke about the lifelong damage abuse inflicts and asked, “Can you imagine the whispers, the finger-pointing, the sideways glances if you’re a 14-year-old boy and you accuse the town hero of molesting you?”
“My Darkest Secret”
Before Steve Reinboldt died of AIDS in 1994, he told his sister Jolene Burdge his first same-sex encounter was with Hastert. In court she told Hastert that Steve spent 24 years since high school “running from the pain and turmoil of lifelong trauma and the knowledge that no on would believe you were his abuser.
"He felt betrayed, ashamed and embarrassed. You were supposed to keep him safe, not violate him.”
Scott Cross described how he respected and trusted Coach Hastert. Then came the day when Coach Hastert offered to give him a massage in an otherwise empty locker room and the abuse happened.
“As a 17–year-old boy I was devastated. I felt intense pain and extreme guilt.”
"Today I understand I did nothing to bring this on, but at age 17, I could not understand what happened or why."
He described how he went years without speaking of what had happened, even to his parents and closest friends.
“I’ve always felt that what Coach Hastert had done to me was my darkest secret.”
Scott Cross described the reasons he came forward to testify: “I wanted you to know and understand how Mr. Hastert violated the trust I placed in him as a high school student. Judge Durkin, I wanted you to know the pain and suffering he caused me then, and still causes me today."
Most importantly I want my children and anyone else who was ever treated the way I was (to know) that there is an alternative to staying in silence.”
"It is important to tell the truth finally," he said. "I could no longer remain silent."
Are you wondering as I am if the serial molesting stopped after Dennis Hastert left employment at the high school? Or did it continue in the years he was in the Illinois state legislature and the US Congress as Speaker of the House? How many others have been sexually abused by Dennis Hastert? Will more come forward now?
The Devastating Long-term Effects of Abuse
I often present speaking programs and write about the long-term effects of abuse: low self-esteem, fear, anxiety, depression, self-rejection, trust issues in work and personal relationships. Rejection and fear of rejection continue throughout their lives.
In Don’t Take It Personally! I write: “Fear and anxiety are constant companions to abused children. They live on edge, just waiting for the abuse to come again. It’s not a matter of if it comes, but when it comes . . . . this ever-present anxiety . . . becomes a part of their identity and follows them into adult relationships.
“Rejection is the common thread in every type of abuse — psychological, physical, and sexual . . . . It is difficult to determine where one type of abuse ends and another begins. Psychological maltreatment . . . conveys “the message that the child is worthless, flawed, unloved, or only valuable in meeting someone else’s needs.”
Trusting Becomes a Lifelong Struggle
For many it feels like an act of betrayal when a trusted person abuses. This includes parents, extended family, family friends teachers, coaches or religious leaders. And it feels like a double betrayal when other adults do nothing to protect the child.
Whether it is physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect, the messages we take in about the safety of our world and the people in it leave a lasting imprint.
More than personal relationships become damaged. Workplace problems develop as well. 'Personality Conflicts' are really about distrust, perceived rejection and taking things personally.
Whenever sexual or physical abuse occurs, you'll find a psychological rejection message present – of disrespect, degradation and humiliation.
At what point does the world cease to be a safe place?
How long, before self-rejecting messages start to take hold?
When does self-esteem begin to suffer?
What a betrayal of trust when an authority figure takes advantage
of a vulnerable child! And it is especially difficult for the child
to refuse inappropriate advances when that person is a revered mentor or coach.
Sometimes the exploitation is more subtle but still confusingly seductive –exposing the child to inappropriate sexual poems, stories, pictures, comments.
These experiences can lead to confusion, affecting self-esteem and trust.
And then there is the voyeurism. Over the last 30 years I’ve heard many stories from clients about adults spying on them in their teen years: hidden video cameras in bedrooms and bathrooms, peepholes drilled in walls, walking in on them when they are dressing or bathing.
Members of Dennis Hastert’s wrestling team report seeing him sit in a reclining chair, watching as the boys showered.
A Glimmer of Hope
I'm writing this with the hope that the courageous words of Judge Durkin, Jolene Brudge and Scott Cross might raise awareness about the long-term effects of childhood abuse.
As Scott Cross told the judge, “There is an alternative to staying in silence. It is important to tell the truth finally. I could no longer remain silent."
When Closely Held Secrets Are Finally Told, Healing Can Follow
I'm hoping the courage shown in this courtroom will give permission to those who have been abused by an adult – and to the caring adults in their lives – to come forward.
Perhaps you know of children who could use some protecting from inappropriate sexually, physically or emotionally abusive behavior – or neglect.
If you find yourself feeling uneasy about the safety of a child you can call 1-800-4-ACHILD or contact your local law enforcement or Child Protective Services Agency.
Make the call and describe what you suspect is happening. You don't have to have 'proof' of abuse or neglect. That's up to investigators to determine. You can make the call anonymously if necessary, but please make it if you are concerned.
Thanks for listening. As you can tell this is an emotional topic for me. These recent court proceedings bring validation and justice – for myself and in the name of every child who has experienced this kind of lopsided abuse of power by an adult.
What do you think about the issues raised here? I welcome your comments, your concerns and your stories.
You can post under 'comments' on the blog:
www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com or email me at
[email protected]
For more information:
On the long-term effects of rejection, abuse and neglect:
Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection
explores these issues in depth.
Under ‘Abuse’ in the Archives of my blog: www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com
On the Dennis Hastert sentencing proceedings:
Scott Cross’ poignant account of his decision to testify:
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/hastert-accuser-scott-cross-i-could-no-longer-remain-silent-n563626
Transcript of Witness statements in court:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-dennis-hastert-sentencing-transcript-20160427-htmlstory.html
Until next time,
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
Both books are now available on Kindle!
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING WITH REJECTION
To order BREATHING ROOM -- CREATING SPACE TO BE A COUPLE
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