By Elayne Savage, PhD
Whenever I want to duck and run for cover to escape all that toxic emotional debris out there, it helps to remind myself about the concept of 'isomorphism’ – where patterns repeat from one setting to another.
I’ve been blogging about how attitudes, moral character, values and temperament appear to be trickling down from Congress and the White House into our workplace and personal lives.
Perhaps you will be better able to understand why many of us feel so personally assaulted by the barrage of inappropriate behaviors.
Perhaps these ideas can be helpful to you as well in navigating difficult times.
Let’s start with understanding why there seems to be such a toxic atmosphere around: disrespect, black and white thinking, contentious behavior, personal attacks, sharp tones of voice, aggressiveness, nastiness, character assassination, outbursts, bullying, anger and rage, vindictiveness, outright lying, deflections, and the inability to take responsibility for actions and say “I made a mistake and I’m sorry.
I’m hearing about this trickle down from psychotherapy and workplace clients and from friends and colleagues. I’m hearing about it from schoolteachers where bullying, name-calling and cultural slurs are becoming rampant, even in kindergarten. I’m hearing stories about extreme polarization, arguments and short tempers at dinner tables and in meetings with coworkers or committee members. And there seems to be more lying –– especially in the workplace. As if someone said it’s OK. Recently I blogged about my own reaction to alternative facts and lying.
A recent study by the Workplace Bullying Institute asked: How did the presidential and congressional elections of 2016 affect relationships in American workplaces? And 46% of Americans say that the brutish campaigns leading to the 2016 election did negatively impact the workplace.
And in June I blogged about my own embarrassing public temper tantrum, when I Totally Lost It! when I knew exactly what was getting triggered but chose to go ahead with my tirade anyway. Kind of like I had been given permission to exhibit out-of-control behavior.
Have you, too, been experiencing contentious behaviors in your family or work situations? Or have you found yourself losing control more than usual?
Could it be many of us are catching the disrespect virus that keeps popping up all around us? It’s as if we are being given permission by the highest office in the land to act out in similar ways to what we observe happening in the White House and Congress, ways that normally would cross our boundaries of appropriateness and propriety.
What Is All This Mirroring About?
It is useful here to understand the concept of isomorphism (sometimes referred to as ‘parallel process’ or ‘social contagion.’) You’ve probably noticed how images in TV commercials sometimes morph one into another. For example as you watch, a human face changes into a lion’s face or an antelope transforms into a car.
Well, this is what happens with many interactions as well. One process morphs into another — taking on the same properties. It is a mirroring of one situation by another, a reflection of one by the other. We pick up the mood or energy of what's going on with others, and imitate it – often unknowingly until it is pointed out.
When attitude, character and temperament from the White House seem to trickle down, this is isomorphism.
When this culture of disrespect affects global interactions, this is isomorphism.
When our interactions with family or friends or neighbors or coworkers or colleagues appear to be permeated by the negative qualities of Congress and the White House, this is isomorphism.
And there is something contagious about this kind of contentious, pervasive and toxic behavior.
Sudden Disappearances - They’re dropping like flies
And just as the White House has lost quite few cabinet members and appointees by firings and resignations, I’m hearing the same thing is happening in businesses and organizations.
There have been over two dozen early departures from the Trump Administration in these first eight months: six people were fired, several were ‘reassigned,’ one was ‘mutually agreed upon’ and one reason for leaving was ‘unclear.’
The disappearances include two different directors of communications, White House chief of staff, deputy White House chief of staff, special advisor to the president, chief strategist, the national security advisor, National Security Council Middle East advisor, National Security Council senior director for Western Hemisphere affairs, FBI director, Assistant press secretary, White House press secretary, White House director of communications, director of the Office of Government Ethics, deputy national security advisor, U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York, White House chief usher, and the acting attorney general.
Wow. That's a big bunch of people!
Many of these positions lasted about 200 days or less! Five lasted less than a month. And all this during the first eight months of this Administration! As the saying says, “They’re dropping like flies.”
http://www.latimes.com/projects/la-na-pol-trump-firings-resignations/
In addition, about a dozen advisory council members resigned leading to the manufacturing council and the strategy and policy forum dissolving.
You may also be aware many State Department and Foreign Service diplomats have left including the undersecretary of state for management. There are three new State Department resignation announcements so far this week.
Will Secretary of State Rex Tillerson be leaving too, as rumored? According to Newsweek, ex-colleagues say the situation is being described as “chaos" and a "disaster."
http://www.newsweek.com/trump-tillerson-resignation-shakeup-state-department-chaos-644242
Watching this disarray happen across all of these venues leaves me with a feeling of insecurity and apprehension.
I’m hearing about chaos in businesses and organizations where there have been lots of resignations and replacements. in fact, I’m hearing how people are ‘disappearing’ at work. Overnight their desks are cleaned out and they are gone — sometimes without a chance for goodbye.
You can imagine how those of us sensitive to loss and abandonment might react to this!
Feelings of impermanence are scary for many of us. How will this affect us in both work and personal relationships?
When Isomorphism Hits Close to Home
Disarray and chaos seem to be mirrored in recent interactions of my local 700 member professional organization of therapists.
Recently several members of the Board of Directors resigned. And because of shockingly disrespectful name-calling and in-fighting behavior in meetings and on our list serve, we are losing members as well.
A ‘survey’ was sent to members via Survey Monkey asking about continued affiliation with our State organization. “We want your opinion. We're conducting a survey and your input would be appreciated. Thank you for your participation.”
Can you imagine how surprised many of us were upon being told this was intended to be an actual vote? Actually the results were a tie but the Board of Directors proceeded anyway to make plans to separate from the state organization and start a new organization.
To be honest, I felt hoodwinked and wanted to see the Board members take responsibility, say they made a mistake in the wording, and do a re-do where members would be advised it is an actual vote to disaffiliate or not.
And to make matters worse in my view, the Board blamed the Survey Monkey confusion on the previous administrative assistant. What a reflection of the blame game going on in the Oval Office. Taylor Swift sums it up pretty well as the refrain repeats and repeats in her new single: “Look What You Made Me Do.”
When they decided not to redo the vote, anger bubbled up in the membership and the name-calling began. The atmosphere became disrespectful, polarized and toxic.
What is happening in my professional organization is a good example of how various behaviors, ideas and attitudes are transmitted from one context to another, often replicating the same chaos and uncertainty.
I’d love to see instances where mirroring reflects positive and respectful interactions in the various contexts of our lives. And I’d especially appreciate seeing positive and respectful modeling coming from the highest office in the land.
I know I would feel a lot more secure.
Do you have any of the experiences or reactions I’ve just described?
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
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