by Elayne Savage, PhD
I was planning to write about Aretha Franklin’s powerful reminder of the significance of R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Occasionally I blog about respect, yet I’ve never given it the attention it deserves.
So when I heard John McCain chose to stop the treatments for his brain cancer and would soon die, what better model of giving and receiving respect then he has shown over the years!
We’ve watched him courageously battle glioblastoma for over a year. This is such a nasty form of cancer. A few years ago I watched a friend, also one of my heroes, engage in a similar battle and then make the decision to stop fighting the glioblastoma because it was winning.
Giving, Deserving and Getting Respect
I have much respect for John McCain, because he’s a classy guy who shows respect for others.
In this time of cringe-worthy political disrespect, incivility, insults, taunting and shaming, it’s refreshing to see a pretty consistent model of integrity and decency.
My skin crawls when recent statements out of Washington and the White House repeatedly talk about “respect” when the words and tone are full of dissing: disrespectful, dismissive, disdainful, and disparaging attitudes.
I have often disagreed, sometimes vociferously, with some of Senator McCain’s policies and his votes, especially about going to war. Yet I’ve come to recognize and respect his wisdom, dignity and sense of fairness.
And yes . . . and I admire his feistiness, tenacity and the courage to speak his convictions. I have to say there have been times I struggled to get past polarized “all good or all bad” types of thinking.
I certainly disagreed with him but never disrespected him.
Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary
I’m a fan of Angeles Arrien’s The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary where she shows us how to:
–– Show up, and choose to be present. The Way of the Warrior
–– Pay attention to what has heart and meaning. The Way of the Healer
–– Tell the truth without blame or judgment. The Way of the Visionary
–– Be open to outcome, not attached to outcome. The Way of the Teacher
Seems to me these are the same strengths Senator McCain has shown over the years. Do you agree?
When I read Mark McKinnon’s poignant narrative about mutual respect the other day, I knew I needed to switch from Aretha Franklin’s brand of R-E-S-P-E-C-T to John McCain’s modeling of respect. Many of us are familiar with McKinnon as a political advisor, columnist and T.V. producer – however these memories are from his days as a volunteer in McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign.
His tribute got me to thinking about my own respect for Senator McCain, I was trying to sort through my feelings and find the right words. He was still alive then.
‘You Honored Our Deal, John McCain. I’ll Honor Your Legacy’
In ‘You Honored Our Deal, John McCain. I’ll Honor Your Legacy’ Mark McKinnon writes to Senator McCain:
When you asked me to work for your presidential campaign ….I had one caveat. I had met Senator Barack Obama and though I disagreed with much of his politics, I liked him and thought his candidacy would be good for the country. So I told you that, as unlikely as it seemed in early 2007, that I would step out if you and him ended up running against each other in the general election. I just didn’t want to be the tip of the spear attacking Obama….,
I think you thought it odd, but assented….,To make sure you remembered, I wrote a memo to the senior staff of the campaign outlining the agreement.
And then it happened. You won the nomination. You caught lightning in a bottle through your sheer determination and inspiring message of “Country First.”
And sure enough you had forgotten our deal. So, I brought you the memo. And in classic McCain style, you didn’t get angry, you hugged me and said:
“Thanks for helping me get here. It would be very un-McCain-like not to keep my word, so God bless you and good luck.”
I want you to know, that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. To walk away after all the moments from the campaign that I remember and cherish.
….the moment that moved me most was the first time I went out on the trail with you…. (Someone) handed me a black bag. I looked inside and saw some basic grooming tools, like a hairbrush….And we walked out on the side away from the waiting crowd. And you turned to me, a decorated prisoner-of-war survivor, and bent over at the waist in supplication. And then it dawned on me:
You could not comb your own hair. Because of your arms being repeatedly broken as a POW, you could not raise your arms above your shoulders. Then you turned into the crowd. I turned away with tears in my eyes.
In the coming days there will be countless tributes to the brave political stands you took over the years. Your independence was legendary. While I didn’t always agree with you, there was never a question in my mind that you always did as you pledged you would and indeed put country first.
I was so touched by this personal tribute and I want to share it with you in it’s entirety.
And just after I sat down to sort through and write down my own feelings, I heard on the news that John McCain had died.
It feels in a way like losing a parent or guardian – someone I could count on to keep me safe when the scary incivility in Washington seems like ‘There’s a Nightmare in My Closet.’
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
Both books are now available on Kindle!
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I welcome your feedback as well as suggestions for topics you'd like to see addressed in this e-letter.
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REPRINTING THESE e-LETTERS
You can use the articles in 'Tips from The Queen of Rejection'® as long as you include an attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to my website. I'd appreciate if you'd notify me where and when the material will appear.
The attribution should include this information: Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional speaker, practicing psychotherapist and author of Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection and Breathing Room - Creating Space to Be a Couple.
To find out more about my speaking programs, coaching and consultation services visit: //www.QueenofRejection.com or call 510-540-6230 if you or your group can benefit.
Contacting Elayne
I welcome your feedback as well as suggestions for topics you'd like to see addressed in this e-letter.
Here's how you can reach me:
510-540-6230
www.QueenofRejection.com
For more communication and rejection tips, you can follow me:
Twitter@ElayneSavage
LinkedIn.com/in/elaynesavage
Facebook.com/elayne.savage