There seems to be a state by state race by legislators to ban and criminalize abortion. But I don’t hear anyone talking about what will become of these ‘saved’ infants.
Some parents are able to competently cope with unintended pregnancies. Others fear they can’t manage. Maybe they want to finish school and get a job before they start a family. Maybe they are not old enough or mature enough or capable enough to responsibly raise and protect a child.
Who Will Insure The Safety and Security of These Children?
I know first hand about unplanned for and unwanted infants being born to parents who are not able to provide a safe environment.
I was a Child Protective Services Social Worker in San Francisco in the years before Roe v. Wade. I guess I saw just about every type of trauma and neglect and abuse and exploitation and abandonment you can imagine.
Whenever I hear about parents mistreating and abusing their children I can’t help but wonder if that child was born wanted and welcomed –– or were they resented and rejected.
Let’s take a look at what goes into providing a safe, secure, loving, protected environment:
So what happens to a child who grows up with a lack of acceptance, poor hygiene, deficient medical and dental care and with fear and anxiety instead of security and safety?
In my CPS years there were many situations I observed where parents were not able to be responsible to the well-being of their children. Instead of acceptance and validation there would be frequent belittling, shaming, scolding and criticizing.
I’ll never forget the day I watched a 14 year old mother grabbing her toddler’s hand and sort of dragging her along the sidewalk, as if the child were a rag doll.
Or the many times I found piles of dirt and animal feces on the floor where young children were playing. One home was so infested with roaches there were even dozens living in the refrigerator.
I knew about young children burned or hurt when they were left unattended for several hours.
I heard stories from teachers about children being ostracized because they smelled so badly from not bathing or unwashed clothes.
I remember one woman teaching her young child to crawl under tables in restaurants to steal billfolds from purses on the floor. This little girl was 3 years old!
This memory still haunts me: One day when I showed up for an appointment and the mother had just instructed her daughters aged 7 and 9 to walk their dog to the vet –– to have him euthanized. She insisted the children take him there but she refused to accompany them – they were on their own. I just couldn’t stand by and watch this play out so I went with them. Thinking about that day makes me want to cry.
© Can Stock Photo / studiostoks
The Long, Long, Long-Term Traumatizing Effects of Abuse and Neglect
Child Abuse and Neglect is "an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm” or “results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation."
More about definitions –– from the Child Welfare Information Gateway
The list of possible long-term effects is endless: low self-esteem, fear, anxiety, depression, self-rejection, trust issues in work and personal relationships. Rejection and fear of rejection continue throughout their lives and trusting becomes a life-long struggle.
In Don’t Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection I write: “Fear and anxiety are constant companions to abused children. They live on edge, just waiting for the abuse to come again. It’s not a matter of if it comes, but when it comes . . . . this ever-present anxiety . . . becomes a part of their identity and follows them into adult relationships.
More on the long-term effects of abuse and neglect:
A Spanking or Beating or Whipping or Whuppin? – TipsFromTheQueenofRejection.com
The Child Abuse Reporting Act came into effect in 1963 requiring only physicians to report abuse. In 1980 the Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act expanded the definition of mandated reporters of suspected child abuse and neglect. This list of reporters keeps growing and has now grown to 46 in some states!
A good example of a complete list of mandated reporters is provided in the California Penal Code (PC) section 11165.7.
When Removing a Child is the Only Way to Keep Them Safe
I hated having to go to Juvenile Court when a child was endangered to testify about the unhealthy or unsafe or life-threatening living situation. Sometimes the only way to protect a child is by removing the child from the family home and, if there was no reliable relative, placing him or her in foster care.
The hope was to provide a safe place for the child while social workers and community resources were working with the family to insure the child could return to their family and be safe and secure. Sometimes this meant providing parenting education, sometimes providing housekeeping assistance, sometimes attending to stress and overwhelm.
But it didn’t always work the way we hoped.
Years later, when I was a Long-term Placement social worker and was visiting residential facilities, I came across some of the same children I had removed years before. Now they were teens and still stuck in the system because their families were unable to provide a safe enough home environment for them to return to.
Can you imagine how heartbreaking it was meeting these kids again all those years later?
Does Saving Fetuses Really Mean We Are Saving Children?
So back to my question: If abortion is banned what’s going to happen to the children? When mothers who do not want to bring a child into this world are not given a choice, how can we guarantee these babies will be born into safe, secure, loving, protected environments? How can we be sure they will not be rejected or neglected or abused or exploited or abandoned?
(Yes, I am aware adoption could be a choice and there certainly is lots of money to be made for some people, however the emotional considerations are huge and would have to be carefully considered.)
And resentment often permeated the families I knew. I saw many children raised by resentful parents. This was especially true if they were conceived from a rape or incest. I saw the stress of expecting a new baby sometimes leading to domestic violence, putting both the mother and the fetus in danger. I saw the existing children suffering in already severely stressed families when arrival of the newborn caused extra pressure on family members.
And the system for protecting at-risk children is already severely overburdened. If they have to be placed outside of the home to protect them and there are no capable available relatives, where are they going to go?
Will We Be Going Backwards?
Stories have been emerging about the precarious and desperate times before Roe v. Wade. The most common methods used to terminate pregnancies were falling down stairs or ingesting poisons or using instruments like coat hangers, to try to induce an abortion. Sure, relatively safe abortions were available if you had the right word-of-mouth connections and could afford to pay, but there were way too many back-alley deaths.
Will women and their families be facing this anguish again if the courts decide we have to go backwards to that dark place.
The Connection Between Childhood Maltreatment, Delinquency and Criminality
Clearly lots children who were traumatized developed the resilience and opportunities to become productive and accomplished adults.
However, studies show a connection between incarceration and childhood abuse and neglect.
Keep in mind we cannot assume that most abused children will become law-violating teens and adults. We do know, however, that many incarcerated juveniles and adults have a history of being abused and rejected.
And as many of you know from my blogs and speaking programs that I see rejection as the overlay of all types abuse and neglect. Rejection leads to self-rejection affecting self-esteem, self-assurance, self-respect, self-confidence, self-regard and self-adequacy.
A few years ago I was presenting skill-building workshops within the walls of San Quentin State Prison. The series was on what I know best: how to not take rejection and disappointment so personally. This voluntary Success Programs’ skill-building course was presented to highly motivated medium security inmates. Most of them were in for non-violent crimes — such as stealing to support their addictions.
‘Don’t Take It Personally!’ was popular reading from the prison library and I could tell they ‘got’ the message of the book and workshops when several told me:
“If I had understood about my early rejection and why I take things so personally, the pressure wouldn’t have led me to need the drugs and to go out and steal for them.”
Legislators in some of the states newly banning abortion are admitting the grand plan is that this legal maneuvering will lead to SCOTUS overturning Roe.
So with the move to criminalize abortion and take away choice, what can we do to guarantee these unwanted babies will not grow up to be rejected and mistreated and possibly even become criminals themselves?
Let’s continue this conversation. Your thoughts?
© Elayne Savage
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
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