By Elayne Savage, PhD
© Can Stock Photo / nialowwa
I never expected to feel so afraid again in my lifetime.
But here we are - stories in the news just about every day now of rampant antisemitism and so many other types of cringe-worthy hateful behaviors.
For me it’s like a kind of PTSD –– an uncontrollable body reaction from my childhood. Vivid memories of spiteful hurtful words coming out of mouths twisted up with anger.
I was 7 years old when my next door neighbors were spitting at me from their adjoining porch. As they spat out “Dirty Jew” it seemed like they were foaming at the mouth.
The teenage son Johnny would block my path with his bike as I walked down our alley and he'd threaten to hurt me because I was a “Dirty Jew.”
But here’s the most upsetting part: the daughter Marion was my regular playmate and good friend. We had so much fun practicing song and dance routines in her basement. I especially remember:
“While strolling through the park one day,
In the merry merry month of May,
I was taken by surprise,
By a pair of roguish eyes,
In a moment my poor heart was stole away.”
And Marion taught me some Italian too – the words to the lullaby
"Chi-baba, chi-baba, chi-wawa
My bambino kook-a la goombah
Chi-baba, chi-baba, chi-wawa my bambino go to sleep!"
And I've never forgotten them.
I remember the day we took a long walk together and as we were passing her church she invited me inside, led me to the altar and showed me how to light the candles.
I still never miss a chance to spend time in a church or cathedral and I always light candles, remembering those times with Marion.
I’m always hoping these sweet, dear remembrances will balance the snarl and hateful words of the parents, but alas, no.
PTSD-Like Flashbacks
Something always sets off this old fearful visceral response.
Often it’s something I hear or read connected to hatred, and I cringe from the reawakening of those foaming-at-the-mouth memories.
As you may have guessed the latest incident was when two men known for their racist and antisemitic beliefs were welcomed for dinner at Mar-a-Lago by Donald J. Trump –– Ye (formerly known as rapper Kanye West) and Holocaust Denier Nick Fuentes.
Ye has recently been condemned for making antisemitic comments on social media and he felt the consequences of his actions when several businesses severed ties with him.
Nick Fuentes is well-known as a White Supremacist, anti-Semite and Holocaust Denier. He was a college student when he came to prominence during the Charlottesville ‘Unite the Right’ rally in 2017 – where the marchers chanted “Jews will not replace us.”
That day, hearing those chants, I really grasped the frightening extent of today’s antisemitism.
On the February 2022 livestream of his ‘America First’ program, Fuentes announced “I’m just like Hitler.”
This dinner invitation was clearly an ill-thought-out action that will likely be interpreted as an invitation or directive for encouraging, legitimizing, and normalizing bigotry.
It easily can become a coded message, a ‘dog-whistle’ to embolden suggestible folks to engage in scary hateful acting-out behaviors.
And the consequences of giving permission to express hatred could be deadly.
Giving Permission – A Double Edged Sword
I’m fascinated with the various aspects of ‘giving permission.’
In my work with therapy and workplace clients almost every day I have the opportunity to ‘give permission’ for them to try out new ideas and behaviors and skills. I love to be able to help clients recognize that in tough or stressful situations they do have choices and can expand their options.
They can choose to give themselves permission to recognize and ask for what they need. Permission to keep their expectations realistic. Permission to experience success by doing a 'good enough' job. Permission to try out new ideas, behaviors and skills. Permission to check things out with the other person and not presume meaning or intent.
Permission-giving happens in the business world as well when the company culture actually encourages shady behaviors by way of 'winks and nods' and ‘turning a blind eye’ when management, sets the “Tone at the Top.”
And then, there is the scary Dark Side of being given permission and encouragement to express anger and frustration and hatred by engaging in bullying behavior or creating violence and turmoil through verbal and physical attacks or even committing mass killings including the copycatting of violent behavior.
(By the way, usually bullies need to puff themselves up to overcome their own insecurities and feel powerful, and they need to diminish others in order to feel in control of their own anxieties)
And have you noticed how there are many "no comments?" Silence shrieks permission and encouragement by condoning the behavior.
More on Giving Permission: Giving Permission – A Double Edged Sword
I never expected to see this kind of rampant hate against my religion in my lifetime and I do not feel safe.
I’ve become used to the police and security always outside of synagogues during religious services.
It’s so weird to feel upset realizing they are there because I could be in danger, and yet at the same time feeling calmed by their presence.
“Give Me Your Huddled Masses Yearning to Breathe Free” (and I Will Provide Safety and Security)
Many of our ancestors came to this country because of fearful living conditions –– sometimes by human trafficking, however most chose to escape life-threatening conditions: religious persecution, genocide, or illness and death from diseases like the Irish potato famine.
As you can imagine, fears regarding safety and security and trust and death and abandonment have been passed down through the generations in many of our families.
The dangerous, unhealthy conditions left behind in the ‘old country’ are usually never spoken about once a family settles in this country.
However these fears can be incredibly influential and damaging to each subsequent generation.
In my several decades of working with psychotherapy and workplace clients we explore the impact of these often unspoken generational messages.
I am not naive to the long-time undercurrent of discrimination toward Jewish people.
I certainly experienced it at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa when I was a student there in the days the Klu Klux Klan was openly active. In fact, the Imperial Wizard, Robert Shelton, actually lived in Tuscaloosa!
The KKK burned a 14 ft cross on the front lawn of A Jewish fraternity. They also threatened violence toward other Jewish students as well. As a scare tactic, my sorority house was broken into, requiring round the clock campus police protection. There were threats of violence just before an upcoming pep rally and school officials asked not to wear our fraternity or sorority pins in public.
In other words, unless we became invisible our lives were in danger. It was a scary time.
Interestingly, it was the burning of the cross at his fraternity that led my friend Joe Levin to become a civil rights activist attorney.. “Once my eyes were opened, I couldn't ignore others who were persecuted around me.”
And in 1971 Joe Levin started the Southern Poverty Law Center with Morris Dees, which as you may know has prosecuted the Klan and other hate groups many times over the years.
More on KKK: Django Freeman Meets James Hood
Yes I’ve felt prejudice, yes, I’ve been scared before, but I never, ever dreamed I would experience in my lifetime such a massive outpouring of such alarming antisemitic behavior in the United States of America.
I’m afraid.
I’m very afraid.
I believe what frightens me most is when influential people give permission to act dangerously hateful.
Vox explains: The deep roots of antisemitism’s resurgence in America
My ancestors came to the US to escape persecution and to feel safe and secure. They were able to provide security for their children and grandchildren.
What happened?
© Elayne Savage
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
Both books are now available on Kindle!
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