By Elayne Savage PhD
Sure has been tons of commentary and interpretations about the Trump/Biden debate.
I had profound reactions to both candidates. And it turns out I had some very different observations and conjectures than has been reported by most media.
I just blame it on my tendency to respect my intuitive sense - to trust my gut. Not that I am ever sure I am !00% right – but often I am.
So this blog is very personal – I'm describing here my experiences of watching, the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach from both candidates and the overwhelming feelings that were coming up for me.
There has been a lot of chatter about Donald Trump's larger-then-life presence dominating Biden's seemingly barely-existent energy.
But for me, Donald Trump's 'bigness' felt uncomfortably familiar – all puffed up like the bullies who used to terrorize me when I was a child playing in the alley between the Washington DC brick rowhouses.
Feeling Intimidated
Donald Trump is a formidable opponent! Especially when he puffs himself up and assumes his bully stance. He did it on The Apprentice and he continues to play the role in real life.
When someone puffs up like this they take up a lot of space. It doesn't leave much room for the other person.
And they become diminished.
And it seemed to me that this is what was happening to Joe Biden – as Trump became larger-then-life, Biden became smaller . . . and smaller.
Ambivalence is ‘Feeling Stuck’
The first thought that kept nagging at me throughout the debate was how I found myself wondering if, in fact, Joe Biden might be struggling with an unidentified conflict - feeling torn between wanting to run again and conflicted about running again. I kept returning to the thought throughout the debate.
I have heard so many therapy and coaching clients describe "feeling stuck" when they are struggling with ambivalence.
And I have certainly struggled with this internal argument myself – many times.
This state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something is ambivalence.
"l want to run again /I don’t want to run again”
"I can do it/ maybe I can't."
I blogged about my struggles with ambivalence when I was to trying to publish my first blog in 2007:
https://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2006/12/whispers_and_ro.html
Too often when we find ourselves in this kind of a stuck place, we end up doing some unconscious self-sabotaging. I sure know I sometimes do.
Freezing and Blanking Out
There has been lots of speculation about Joe Biden’s stumbling over words and silences.
As a professional speaker and an often-interviewed author over the last 25 years, I sure know the feeling of blanking out on a phrase or a word.
Having nearby notes in case I need a word has always been my security blanket.
Always makes me really nervous to not have my blanky handy.
Sometimes my memory lapses are due to nervousness, but more often due to my ADHD.
One time, just before I was ready to leave for a National Speakers event to present a mini training, I received the news that a family friend had been murdered.
I physically showed up to the event but was really not emotionally present and had several blank-outs during my short presentation.
Watching Joe Biden's demeanor at the beginning of the debate I was reminded of that nightmare experience and found myself wondering if he might have just been made aware of some disturbing information that absorbed his attention.
I was pretty sure Donald Trump would repeat many of the out-and out lies he has been campaigning with, but I was shocked at the hugeness of his lies during the debate – much worse then I imagined it would be. I could see from Joe Biden’s open-mouthed expression that he, too, was totally blown away by the number and inflation of the lies.
And I'm sure my mouth was dropping open as well.
The expression I read in Biden’s eyes was “I can’t believe yet another lie, and another and another.”
And I’m sure my eyes were showing the same kind of disbelief.
Actually I was aware that some of my disbelief was that the CNN moderators were clearly not going to call out any of the exaggerations and outright lies coming out of the mouths of either Donald Trump or Joe Biden.
I kept thinking I saw a look of "where are you? Why aren't you saying something?
When someone makes up lies about something, it is always especially hard for me when it feels like they are dismissing my own perceptions that I know I saw with my own eyes or heard with my own ears.
“You’re Imagining It”
The message is all to familiar from my childhood and I have a huge visceral reaction:
“It’s all in your mind.”
"I didn't say that."
"Why would you think that?"
“You’re imagining it”
My stomach still knots up when someone lies to me and disputes my reality. Certainly we each might have a different perception – I’m talking here about intentional lying which is gaslighting.
Gaslighting
Outright, purposeful lying is gaslighting because it is an attempt to manipulate reality.
I have blogged many times in the past about gaslighting:
Here is one example:
Exaggerating vs. Outright Lying
You probably are aware that several media outlets have been comparing what they call Biden's 'exaggerations' and 'misstatements' with what they call Trump's 'lies':
Here are some links :
FOX: https://www.livenowfox.com/news/presidential-debate-fact-biden-trump-false-claims.amp
FactCheck.org: https://www.factcheck.org/2024/06/factchecking-the-biden-trump-debate/
PBS: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/fact-checking-the-claims-biden-and-trump-made-during-the-debate
CNN: https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/06/27/politics/fact-checking-the-cnn-presidential-debate
There are many many more articles – Just google something like 'Trump Biden debate lies.'
Accusations of Getting High and Getting Over-Energized
Another observation I had watching the debate was remembering all the pre-debate accusations by the Trump team that Biden would be ‘high’ on stimulant energy drinks like caffeine or Red Bull, or Mountain Dew or even drugs like Adderall.
This Adderall accusation about Biden brought back déjà vu memories of 2 years ago when there were quite a few speculations about whether Trump might have been over-using Adderall.
Hey, most of us can use an energy boost once in a while. I can sure use one if I have a late evening client or a deadline. I’m a big fan of using a couple sprays of vitamin B12 into my mouth for a boost of energy when I need it!
During this debate we could definitely see by his low energy that Biden probably was not using stimulants.
I found myself wondering if he or his team might have been concerned he would be asked by the moderators about (or accused by Trump of) using energy/performance enhancing drugs, and he was wanting to be able to truthfully say “no.”
I found myself thinking he sure could have used a swig or two of Donald Trump’s caffeine-laced Diet Cokes!
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Did you watch the debate? Wondering what your impressions and observations were.
NEW NOTE: Wanting to add this recent development from the Supreme Court a few days after the debate:
On 7/1/24 the U.S. Supreme Court majority ruled that presidents — including former President Donald Trump — have immunity from prosecution when carrying out “official acts.”
“Under our constitutional structure of separated powers, the nature of Presidential power entitles a former President to absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for actions within his conclusive and preclusive constitutional authority,” the court wrote. “And he is entitled to at least presumptive immunity from prosecution for all his official acts. There is no immunity for unofficial acts.”
Justice Sonia Sotomayor wrote how the ruling, makes a “mockery of the principle” that no one is above the law."
“The relationship between the President and the people he serves has shifted irrevocably. In every use of official power, the President is now a king above the law.”
…With fear for our democracy, I dissent.”
A king above the law? Wow - Amazing timing!
Just think, the Supreme Court of the United States is giving what many consider to be king-like power to US Presidents just 3 days before we were about to celebrate the 255th year of our Independence from the rule of English kings!
And more recently: I am really bothered by the Secret Service not protecting Donald Trump, in fact leaving him exposed to the possibility of a repeated attack. That's supposed to be their job. Is there some reason when they were warned about possible danger they did nothing to avert it?
As I watched, the whole thing felt like a surreal Pinter or Beckett or Pirandello play. But then the debate also felt like watching Theater of the Absurd.
Would love to hear about your observations . . .
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages. Both books are now available on Kindle!
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
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